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Joe Threatens Our Head Writer's Life

The entity "Joe" promises to kill Katherine Lanshackle tonight.



The entity claiming to be "Joe" returned this afternoon, with a threatening video that promises to commit an act of murder. The threat can be viewed above, although discretion is advised.


The cypher was released 30 minutes ago, with the threat against Lanshackle's life being imminent if not solved in the next half hour.

“Katherine Lanshackle will die tonight.”

Subscribed readers will no doubt know that Katherine was our beloved and committed former head writer, who was institutionalized when she could not remember the identity of either Archie Klatos or any recollection of having written for the paper.

Police have now been informed to lock down the institution where she's being held, which we will refrain from disclosing for her safety.


Whether or not "Joe" is capable of acting on his threat is unknown, as he never went through with his last attack. That being said, we strongly urge our readers AGAINST attempting to contact him or solve his cypher; our top writers and Cuyahoga County's top decoders are on it as we speak.


If you have any information which might help us, please contact the Cuyahoga County Police Department immediately.

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